Tina's thoughts Blog

Forgiveness

tinah542 — Sat, 10 Sep 2011 15:15:58 +0000

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is freeing
It liberates the soul
It heals the deeps wounds
and helps make us whole

Forgiveness is liberty
to a heart chained by hate
and ruled by despair
it brings hope rather than fate

Forgiveness is soothing
to a mind wracked with guilt
its comforting power
breaks walls that are built

Forgiveness is hope
to a world that is dark
It lightens the load
and opens the heart

Forgiveness is free
a gift we’re all given
Jesus paid the price
and invites us to Heaven

Forgiveness doesn’t mean forget
injustice, and terror,
are horrible things
but when we are able
to forgive
our heart, and soul
grow wings

Forgiveness is freeing
it’s a bondage breaker
It’s one of the greatest
gifts given by our Father
and Creator

I pray for mercy, I pray for peace, I pray for forgiveness that brings us to our knees.God Bless America

tina 9/7/2011

Intentions

tinah542 — Sat, 23 Oct 2010 00:46:56 +0000

I have good intentions. Most of us do I think. We intend to live our lives well. We intend to be good parents, good spouses, good children, good employees, good christians. We might intend to change the world for the better. Coming up with a cure for cancer, being a activist in a fight for freedom of a variety of things that we believe in. We intend to eat healthier, work out more, be responsible, or perhaps we intend to become rich, successful, popular,loved, admired, respected, or discovered. Whatever our intentions are, there is something that is glaringly clear at times. Our intentions do NOT make it so. I still have over 50 pounds to lose. Despite having the intention to do so for ——–oh about 15 years now. Except maybe truthfully it is more like 70 pounds now. I still have not been discovered as a writer, or actress; despite the intention that one day my passion will help me change the world. I have not seen lots of my dreams and aspirations come to fruition. Those around me still struggle with jobs, and health, and finances, and family, and friends, and spiritual, emotional, economical, physical, and mental challenges. I know people that intend to get jobs, move, lose weight, get sober, get hired, get married, or have children. These things have not happened. Does that mean that they won’t ever happen? maybe, maybe not.

The fact that we are intentional doesn’t really change our circumstances unless we really DO something with them. I joined a gym….I really DID something. however if I only go once or twice a week at most, is it the gyms fault my intentions have not made the real difference in my body that I was hoping I would get? No one to blame but me.

I intend to make better choices in my daily life. If I dont pray more, or spend more time with God, or take the time to invest in the lives of others then whose fault is it that I am feeling like my relationships are not what they could be. Including my relationship with my Heavenly Father.

I believe that we suffer from a syndrome of believing that because we intend to do things better, then life should be better. If we intend to be a great spouse, or parent, or employee, or healthier, or successful then why is it that we aren’t? Why is it that wanting something so bad that it hurts, doesn’t make it so? Why is it that being positive that things are going to turn around for us does not change what is really going on? Why can’t we just sit on the couch with the remote in our hand, and pump our fist in the air and shout about how we intend to have this great life and still nothing happens any different?

Because intentions are not reality, they are not actions, they are not relational, they are not what makes us better, or healthier, or happy, or employed, or a world changer. WE can all sit and talk and rationalize all day long about how we wish things would be different in our lives. our intentions may be a jump start, but if we dont MAKE choices, and ACT on them, if we dont DO something to PARTICIPATE in those changes happening, if we just PLAN and leave it to chance then all the INTENTIONS in the world aren’t going to bring about the changes we hope for.

Now , there are some things that we can’t control. I will give you that. However, that is not a excuse not to step up and do the things that we CAN do to change our intentions in actions. May the desires of MY heart be exactly what God is challenging me to go out and work on in myself,;and may my intentions be backed by ACTIONS to not only better the person that God has created me to be, but also to show others that one person, one compassionate, loving, caring, giving, sharing individual CAN change the world for the better.

I have great intentions. My challenge is to have great follow through! how about you?

Changes are good…..eventually.

tinah542 — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 05:02:31 +0000

God has been here through the thick and thin, laughter and heartaches, celebrations and grieving, move ins and move outs, growing up and growing others up, employment and unemployment, holding on and letting go, and searching and finding. He has carried me through all of lifes trials, struggles, fears, insecurities, and anxiety. He is my rock, and my cornerstone, my healer, my redeemer, my encourager. He isn’t finished with me yet. Nor you either, just in case you were wondering. We are works in progress. Changes still to be made, places still to go, life still to experience, service to others to perform, sharing of our lives, our challenges, our experiences, our faith.

WE have been through a lot of changes. All of us have. It is just part of life. Some good from the start, some scary, some unforseen, some LEAPS of faith. unemployment, financial challenges, moves, deaths, marriages, births, employment, move again, job searches, parenting challenges, character challenges, life challenges…CHANGES.

some of those changes were pretty scary. Starting over again at middle age. That was scary. Losing our jobs, that was scary, not knowing where we were going to live, that was scary, losing my mom, that was scary- and sad. Childrens struggles, that continues to be scary at times. But through it all, there are bright moments of love, and celebration. New jobs, new friends, reaquainting with old friends, church plant, new ministry opportunities, re- employment, marriages, births, celebrations of lots of things! Life ebbs and flows. Every day is a new experience, a new opportunity, a new day to express love, appreciation, gratitude, grace, mercy, faith, hope, postitivity, hugs, and laughter.

Sometimes I get caught up in the things that make me insecure, make me anxious, or fearful, or worried. I need to remember that NOTHING surprises God. He sees the big picture! There is a reason, even if I don’t see it, or don’t understand it. God DOES have it under control! He offers me hope in my despair, and light in the darkness, comfort in my grieving, direction in my lostness, guidance in my searching, peace in the midst of the turmoil.

Changes are not easy to handle sometimes. I like to think that I am flexible. I like to think that I am positive. I like to think that I have a faith as big as a mustard seed, that can move mountains…and God shows me that at the end of all the changes….There is Good. No matter how hard it was. Because God uses EVERYTHING to his glory. I am so blessed, in so many ways. God continues to use me, a broken, sinful woman to do His work. He has shown me through lots of biblical stories that people are used by God, no matter their age, their profession, their social status, their gender, their upbringing, their heartaches, their sin, or their disobedience. I am thankful for a God that gets me through the changes, and shows me that it can all be used for HIS glory! He has proven time and time again that HE has control, when I dont’. That HE is not surprised no matter how often I am caught off guard. That HE has a reason, and a purpose, and a plan…….for my good, and for yours! I trust him, no matter the circumstances, and learn, and grow, and change…and hope that others can see God’s love in my face…no matter what. Nothing surprises God, we see but a part, and he sees the whole. He will never leave me or forsake me. So no matter what today holds or tomorrow brings; there will be changes…….and I have learned that Changes are good…………..eventually!

Words do matter

tinah542 — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 17:11:57 +0000

People say “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”. It just isn’t true, words can hurt…spoken and unspoken. We can damage someone with how we say something, what we say, when we say it, the tone we say it with, how often we say it, and why we say it. We can also build someone up with using words that are sympathetic, empathetic, encouraging, edifying, honest, kind, compassionate, holy and caring. Don’t fool yourself by thinking that what you say to someone doesn’t affect them. It does. Emotionally, mentally, sometimes even physically, and psychologically. How many of us still battle words that have been embedded in our minds for years. Since we were kids often. Words that we fight against affecting how we feel about ourselves, or others. Words that make us doubt how we can be used, how we can be different, how we can be effective. Words. They do hurt. And they do heal. They do give us inspiration, and validation, and joy, and hope. We need to say ” I love you” more, ” I am proud of you”. ” I forgive you”, “I am sorry”. “I am praying for you”, “You mean the world to me”. “I am here for you”. I have friends that think they are not good encouragers, or lack the gift of mercy. They are wrong. They aren’t afraid to say ” you matter to me”. ” I want whats best for you” ” you can tell me anything, and I will not judge you, or think less of you” ” I love you”…they lift others up by what they say and what they do. I want to be more like that. I want to know when to say the right thing more, when to open my mouth even when it is uncomfortable more. I talk alot. I probably need to talk less, and then it means more. I am married to a very quiet man. I know that he loves me , but I hunger to hear it. Dont we all?

Words do matter, and we all have the ability to be the one that chooses to improve someones day by what we say, by how we say it, and by choosing our words wisely. Believe me, I am speaking to myself here. I have no problems talking, but I need to work on what I say. My momma used to tell me “it isn’t what you say, its how you say it” Those around us will usually let us know if we are using words that glorify, and edify, or using words that tear them down, and make them feel small. Sometimes we are already playing out whole converstations in our head before the other person has uttered one word. Words do matter, hearing them, and speaking them. For those of us that speak too much, I pray to learn to speak well, not more, speak with words that build up, encourage, edify, uplift, affirm and show genuine compassion and concern. I pray to hear well, to really listen to what others have to say, and how they say, and respond in a way that glorifies God and shows them that what they have to say matters, and they matter to me and to God.

I am praying to hear God more, and he speaks to me through his WORD, the bible, and he also speaks to me through prayer, through the Holy Spirit, and through others.He also WANTS me to speak to him, even though he already knows what we want, or need, before we ever open our mouths. If it is important to God that we speak to him, then how important is it to God that we speak to others ! Words matter! spoken, written, unspoken. How they are said, what is said, why it is said, when it is said, and where they are said. I am being convicted to be more careful with my use of words, how about you? For those of you that dont speak often, please know that what you say can change a life, and what you say is important to others. Listening certainly is valuable, but if we just all listened, and no one talked, what would we learn from each other? I want to HEAR what you have to say.If you are not comfortable speaking,then please try writing. For me, it opened up the opportunity to correct the way I said things, so that it could be received the way it was intended. YOU matter! What you have to say matters, and you can bless others by it!

Thanks to all of you that have the spirit of blessing others by your words of edification, affirmation and encouragement. I thank God for you!!!

God uses broken people!

tinah542 — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 04:12:01 +0000

This past Sunday I enjoyed portraying Rahab in an “Interview with a prostitute” at Creekside Community Church. Pastor Tim Douglas interviewed Rahab to learn a little bit about how God could use her.. a known prostitute to make a difference for her family….and to my surprise I learned that Rahab was a great, great, great, great, great, great…..grandmother of Jesus Christ. Somwhow I missed that in my geneology rememberance until I re read it. Rahab! a prostitute. We have also studied Moses, and Joshua, Jacob, and so on. Of course I’ve heard these stories and others my whole life…but somehow, someway, playing Rahab really made an impression on me. Rahab has a story, we dont know what her story really is, not all of it. I made one up for her for my character portrayal..and it made her human to me. Not just some story in the bible that I was detached from. I related to the fact that she was human, that she made mistakes, that she was ashamed of some of the life choices that she made, that she was perhaps insecure, and guilt ridden, and an outcast. Some of the qualities that I have identified with at some point in my life. I KNOW that no one is perfect, that even the most devoted follower of Christ has a story. I am reminded of the stories of broken people that God used to do his will then, and ask myself do I let God use me now? Or do I let Satans lies decieve me from accomplishing all that God has created me to accomplish because I am reminded of my weaknesses, my fraility, my flaws, my issues. I am broken, but God gives me a hope, and a purpose…just like he did to Rahab. God gives me a way out of my path of destruction..just like he did Rahab, God have me a new beginning…just like he does all of us.

Sometimes I am surrounded by the truth of who I am in Christ. Sometimes I am flooded with the love and forgiveness poured down on me from my Heavenly Father..and I linger in the light of his word and his glory! I pray for clarity and direction and it comes to me……and I am blessed. Other times I feel inadequate, powerless, weak, and doubtful. I am aware that my sin nature sometimes causes me to stumble..and Satan attacks me at my weakest point. I recognize that I am not perfect, I am not better than anyone else, I am not holier than anyone, and look up to those that I wish to be more like…but no one more than Christ. When I re read the stories of the bible, and think of these people as real individuals that were used by God…and what they had done that could have seperated them from Him I realize that God creates us all in his image..we all were created with a purpose…we all were created with free will… and the ability to change lives rhrough the power of the Holy Spirit and God in us…

I am so thankf ul that God uses broken people…for I know that if I seek his will…if I continue to grow in my faith…if I share the hope of Christ with others that they can be used by God to reach others too. I am so grateful for my savior Jesus Christ…I am so grateful that God sent His son..who knew NO sin to pay the penalty of my sin! I am so grateful that God uses broken people…just like me…and just like you! If we only let Him!!! To God be the glory!! Use me Lord! I can’t think of anything else that I would rather do with my life than be used by you to bring others to your kingdom.

Thank you for being faithful, when I am faithless

Thank you for being a God who forgives, and loves, and redeems, and esteems, and accepts and loves! Thank you for the opportunity to be used to reach out to love others in the name of your son Jesus Christ! I am privileged Father to be called your daughter, and know I have a place in Heaven with you!

Gods mercy and grace.

tinah542 — Sun, 30 May 2010 20:46:07 +0000

We are going through a sermon series at Creekside Community Church based on Andy Stanleys sermon series on Faith, Hope and Luck. It has been very informative, as is any study of Gods words and promises. This week we learned about when God says “No”. We have been learning about true faith. Not circumstantial faith, and about how God keeps his promises, but sometimes we take what we want, and try to make it into what he has promised. and that is not biblical, or of God. We learned that even Jesus was not spared sorrow and indeed is able to empathize with us in whatever we endure in life because of the fact that he is part human, and he has been tempted in ways we can’t even imagine. Although there are only a few accounts of his 40 days of temptation by satan, he was tempted for 40 days. He was crucified by his own people, he was rejected, tortured and tormented. Did God turn his back on Jesus? absolutely not!!!

He paid the price for our sins so that we could have a place with Him in heaven. There are not magic formulas, no special skills, no great deeds that we do that can earn us a place in heaven. It is not through, hope, or luck, or horoscopes, charms, chants, superstition, wishes, traditions, or family religious ties that we find what we desire, or earn our way. There will be hard times, trials, tribulations, disappointments, hurt, pain, and perhaps even more than we believe we are able to endure thrown at us. Does our faith stand the test? or is it circumstantial? Gods greatest purpose is to show His glory through His Power in our weakness. I have had some rough times in my life, I dare say that each on of us has our own story to tell of darkness, despair, and tribulations so great we didnt know how we could come through them. There is one answer for me, even in the darkest of times, even when I felt most alone, even when I didn’t think I could stand one more day of it..This is a poem I wrote in a time of great despair. It speaks of Gods grace…

I hope it speaks to you, Love Tina

“Where are you now Lord?”

Where are you now Lord?

My heart is mourning

Things great and small consume my mind

my emotions are in turmoil

Injustice fills the World

Bad things are happening

Globally, Nationally, Locally,

Innocent people suffer at the hands of wickedness

Inside my head are silent screams

My faith feels like it is waivering

I feel powerless, helpless, lost in the storm

I cry out in anguish “Where are you now Lord”?

I hear a still small voice

My grace is sufficient…

Sometimes it is to faint to comfort me

My Grace is Sufficient…

Louder still, tugging at my heart

Turning my eyes upward I hear…

MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT

I can feel you now Lord

your spirit is mourning with mine

My pain is Nothing in comparison

PRAY for Them

I hear you say

I have Not forgotten them, or you either

IPeter 5:6-10 “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him and stand firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are going through the same kind of suffering. And the God of grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast. To him be the power, forever and ever.”

and again I heard him say

My dear Child, MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT!

I am here!!

Rejection

tinah542 — Sat, 17 Apr 2010 00:02:21 +0000

Dealing with rejection is never easy. I recently have become unemployed. Use to be that I could go in to any business of my choosing and ask to speak to a manager. They would come over we would meet, exchange pleasantries, I would find out if there were any openings. They would interview me, and with my winning personality they would be persuaded to hire me….okay well maybe it would be any number of reasons, but still; if I was able to meet someone face to face it usually didn’t take me long to get hired.

Now in this NEW technological age, and thousands of folks being unemployed, the personal touch is taken out of it. It amazes me that my husband and I can sit on the computer for hours and not get any response to out inquiries for a job. But you HAVE to apply on line to even be considered for a job in this day and age. I readily admit that I hate it. I am a people person, I love meeting people, talking to people, connecting to people. And this procedure of doing everything on line, has taken away all the PERSONAL touch to getting a job.

recently I went on line and filled out a application for a position that my office skills and people skills I felt would greatly benefit this particular company. Which , I admit, I had no experience in that particular field but plenty of experience in office and people skills. When I hit send, I got back an immediate rejection letter….not even a minute passed. It was amazing. This thing called progress, the weeding out of those that may not fit the “bill” may not have the right software “experience” or use the correct “key words” or have lots of life experience and work experience but not a certain “industry” experience. It really cuts out a lot of good people.

I have been feeling rejected. I know that I would be an asset to any company that I work for because I know what I am capable of. Something I have to remember, it isn’t personal. Thats hard to remember when no one will give you a chance.

Then I am reminded of a great man who walked this earth and offered everyone he met the greatest opportunity of their lives. and he was rejected, over and over again. Time and time again, and he didn’t have the luxury of this new technological age, he was rejected face to face. by his neighbors, his relatives, his church authority, his own friends at times. Now THAT was personal!! as a matter of fact..this man, Jesus, He was rejected to the point of death. No quick merciful death, but a long painful death of being hung on a cross, until his body could not support the weight of his body any more and he finally gave up and let his beaten, bloodied, and tired human frame go limp, and with his last dying breathes he says “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do” and died. Can’t get much more personal rejection than what Jesus suffered.

Now the good news is that even through all that rejection, Jesus was resurrected and now sits in Heaven with God and has prepared a place for us For all those of us who accept the gift of eternal life through Jesus and his blood. Who confess that we are sinners and there is nothing that we can do to get into the gates of Heaven on our own. Rejection.. what a hard thing to deal with. I believe that Gods heart breaks when one child of his rejects him..

So putting things into perspective I would say, what I am going through looking for a job..although it feels personal isn’t. God will provide the right job at the right time, and will take care of me until then. My goal in remembering to keep my life REAL, to connect to others and to use the skills and abilities that God has given me is to NOT reject others, to make connections that will last a eternity, to offer up a solution to others that feel rejected by this world or rejects the ones in this world that don’t look like them, or think like them, or believe like them. To be Jesus with skin on and to say to them….”there is a place where there is no rejection, no pain, no death, no insecurities. A place where you are accepted no matter what by the one that created you and me, and wants the best for us.” So may I focus on the fact that there are far greater things to focus on than how life affects my little world, and realize that I will never suffer any rejection compared to the rejection that those that followed Christ suffered, and that Christ himself suffered.

Rejection……I can deal with it, because in the end…my security comes from knowing who I am in God..and that is all that matters. That is eternal, everything else, is temporary.

New Beginnings

tinah542 — Sat, 03 Apr 2010 05:32:14 +0000

EASTER- a time for new beginnings. new life, new hope, new starts, a newness of life. People can’t wait for winter to be over so that spring time is finally here. The grass goes from brown to green, the trees have new buds, the birds build their nests in the trees to await the new baby birds that will soon come. The plant nurseries have people patiently waiting in those long lines to buy their perennials, or rose bushes, or whatever great smelling flowering plants that they choose. The pools start getting cleaned..the cars have people begin wash again in the driveways rather than go to the car wash…dog lovers walk their dogs again, kids are playing outside again. The sun is shining the birds are singing and all seems to be right with the world. Well, okay it isn’t a Disney movie with talking mice and sewing birds, and fairy god mothers.but it is nice.

But when I think of new beginnings I don’t think of plants, or birds, or grass, or trees, or flowers. although I do appreciate them all. I think of what this season of new beginnings is all about. How the only things that matter are the eternal things. Everything that is in the world will one day wither, die, pass away. but the eternal things, those are what matters. You know the best thing about the season of Easter is the fact that I can have eternal life because my savior died on the cross for me….he took my sin and he paid for it with the shedding of his blood. God loved me enough to send his son , who knew NO sin to take on all mine and pay the price. There is no way that I could have done anything good enough to pay that price, no matter how hard I tried. My heart breaks when I think of God’s only son being beaten, scourged, spit upon, and humiliated…..not because of anything that he had done..but because of peoples sin.

I am so grateful that the Easter and new beginnings. We see cute little bunnies and chicks, and get baskets and dress up and eat good…if we are lucky…but the true celebration is not in the candy that is in our baskets..or the new clothes that we dress up in to see our friends out in the community or in church. The true celebration is that the tomb is empty, Jesus conquered death! The victory is won….and we reap all the benefits of a new relationship with God, a oneness with the holy spirit, and an eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

New beginnings, a new life, a new opportunity, and new path to take……

my life has changed a lot this last year, the last 2 really…and the thing that has gotten me through all those transitions, all the change, all the new beginnings is Gods love for me, and faith, and hope, and the love of my brothers and sisters in Christ. But in the end…My God, who died for me…He is ENOUGH!! so in this season of newness, of new birth, of new life and hope and as we celebrate that Spring is in the air…please accept the real celebration, a celebration of the knowledge that Jesus loves YOU! that he died for YOU! that he lives and intercedes to God in heaven for YOU! the only thing that lasts for ever is our souls, they are eternal..where will you spend eternity. God has place waiting for you in Heaven.I would love to see you there!! in the meantime…start new today..whatever it is that you need to..every day is a new day, and every day we have a new beginning. to make a difference, to forgive, to love , to cherish, to connect…

If you don’t have a church home and you live in the Katy area we would love to have you become part of our fellowship at Creekside Community Church. Everyone is welcome, and we would love to get to know YOU!!!

HAPPY EASTER!!! here is to NEW life!

try it you’ll like it

tinah542 — Sun, 28 Mar 2010 14:31:59 +0000

Serving, try it, you’ll like it. The easiest way to take our mind off of what is going on in our lives that we don’t like is to get involved in the lives of others. It doesn’t take a enormous amount of time to change the lives of others. The rewards are great and eternal. It could be something as simple as offering to babysit for a single mom, or couple that is struggling to make ends meet, and dont have money or time for one another. what is 2 hours on a weekend so that they can go walking, or have a picnic, or just some time to themselves away from the demands of every day life. It could be something fun, like calling a lonely friend, and having them over for lunch, or taking a drive in a new neighborhood, or just going somewhere to catch up and talk. It could be something that requires more sacrifce, like serving in a homeless shelter, or checking out the local charities to see where there are great needs, working in a food pantry, or a pregnancy help center. Are you handy? there are lots of people who dont have the knowledge or the funds to fix things that need to be fixed, be it their car, their house, their bike. Do you like to do crafts, or paint, or decorate? lots of people would love for someone to help make their space more homey, more personal, some place that gives them peace to come home to. Investing in the lives of others can happen in a multitude of ways, children need adults that are good role models, that care, that teach them that they matter; all kinds of kids, abandoned babies in the nurseries, children in school, special needs kids that so appreciate a little time and attention, elderly people that are lonely and may just want someone to sit and listen, or help them do the simple things that they can’t do anymore. What is your hobby? you can take that and share it with someone else, how easy is that?

Time is a issue you may say, and indeed it is..but how much time do we waste doing all those little things that don’t make a eternal difference? how many hours in front of the T.V or the computer, or piddling around looking for something the keep us busy. We are all busy with life, but when we dont make time for others, to care for others, to smile at others, to reach out to others…….they what are we busy for? whats the purpose of what we are doing? Jesus calls us to go out and make disciples of all nations…..if we stay in our own little safe cocoon, how do we do that? You dont have to go to Africa, or Mexico, or be a missionary to others. If you can then please do!!! but there are lots of opportunities around us every day. What do you choose to do with your time? I challenge you to try it, you’ll like it!!

reach out, make a difference, you have the capability of changing a life…and it will change yours too!

God Bless, now go bless others! It’s worth it!!!!

what consumes our thoughts?

tinah542 — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 09:03:18 +0000

I haven’t posted in a while. As a matter of fact, since my last post a month ago, my husband and I lost our job, moved to a new place, took part in a new church plant, celebrated our oldest daughters marriage, began searching for new jobs, and dealing with anxiety and depression. Well, I can only speak for myself. I have been dealing with it, I don’t know if all this is affecting my husband the same way it is affecting me. God provided great friends to move us, he provided a great premarital class for my daughter and son-in-law to attend to make them begin their marriage in his word, and seeking his will; he provided a wonderful church family in Creekside Community that is going to set the World on fire for God; and a place for us to live, rent free and bills paid. Scott is working there part time as a RV park manager. I am looking for a full time job with benefits. All this to say that my thoughts have been consumed, with many things in the last month. Many blessings, many answered prayers, many loved ones and friends sharing their time and their love, A wonderful opportunity to make a difference in a great new church, a house, and my youngest daughter got a job! Yet, for a while the anxiety and depression were consuming me. I didn’t know how to shake it. I felt like me faith was weak, and Satan was certainly getting a stronghold in my mind. I love my husband, but found myself taking out my anger and hurt about losing our job on him. I felt like a failure. I never had to file for unemployment before, and I resented it. I began focusing on what I didn’t have instead of what I did have. Satan loved that he had my thoughts, my heart and mind . This is hard for me to admit to you. A select few know the struggles that I was/am dealing with. A faithful, ,loving few that did not judge me or condemn me. It was something that I couldn’t pull myself out of. I say this to share with you that I find no shame in needing help at this point in my life. Medical help. I was in a pit, aware of it, and scared of it consuming me…..I couldn’t pull myself out with prayer for more than a little while, praise music took my mind to heavens gates…for a little while…participating in worship at my great new church lightened my heart.. for a a little while. but underneath it all. lurking in the shadows of my mind was the fear of the uncertainty of where my life has gone the last year and a half. The fear of not knowing how long THIS job might last, of health concerns with no insurance, worry for my children and not being able to offer them help if they found themselves in a bind…of finances and bills that may have to go unpaid…AGAIN. In my heart I know that I can full rely on God, but somehow this fact was eluding me….I know that God will never leave me or forsake me…..I know that God wants me to hold onto the commitment of my marriage… of my faith in Him, and not grieve the spirit with anxiety and worry. I KNOW all those things. But that is not what consumed my thoughts. I am happy to say that I feel that I am coming out of it on the other side now. Of course I am up at 3:00 a.m because I can’t get to sleep! lol But I am not crying… I am not angry, and I am not beating myself up for being weak, and faithless. I know that this too shall pass. And for now, for just a little while I accepted help to get me through. I am sure that you have your own thoughts and opinions about medication help, I am sure you have your own thoughts and opinions about counseling, and about the best way to deal with life when it becomes scary, and unpredictable. I respect your opinions. I ask for your prayers…I want to let you know that if you are going through a rough patch, if your mind and heart are heavy, if you feel like you are in a dark tunnel and can’t see the light at the end of it. That God has not forsaken you…. that this too shall pass, that he sees the big picture when we see only in part.;and that there is no shame in getting help when you need it!

For those of you that are on this journey with me…..Thank you for loving me and for praying for me!